Co-parenting: a great family option

Co-parenting is also a way to realize the dream of being a mother when the biological clock is ticking. Veronica, who has just turned forty, has not yet been able to fulfill her dream of becoming a mother.

Nathan Dumlao on Unspalsh © Solkes

Her last relationship ended two years ago because her partner did not want to have children.

Thanks to a friend’s recommendation, she signed up for a website that deals exclusively with this topic.

It is a place where single men and women, homosexual couples, and sperm donors or surrogate wombs register to be able to realize this dream or help others to become parents or start a family.

Since she was a child, when Veronica played she was always a mother, just like almost all women, many lose interest and suddenly decide not to be mothers.

For Veronica, that desire was growing.

Even so, she decided to pursue a career, travel to many countries, and learn other languages, her dream of being a mother remained latent.

She could not achieve it when she turned thirty because she was still single; in spite of having had two long love affairs, she could not carry out the motherhood project on time.

Today, many women have postponed motherhood until after 40.

There are many other things that have taken priority between the ages of 25 and 30 and this causes motherhood to be postponed until after 35, the number of mothers between 35 and 45 is increasing.

Betty Boop © Solkes

How can an unmarried woman become a mother?

Simply in the same way as many homosexual couples do today, but in this case, she contacts a sperm donor.

For Veronica it is important that he is willing to let himself be known to her future child, she does not want her child to grow up with an anonymous father.

Nessa Twix © Solkes

Before registering on the website she was reading some testimonials and found that she could create a profile looking for a co-parent instead of a donor.

A co-parent participates in both the child’s procreation and upbringing, they share custody.

In most countries where this type of co-parenting takes place, there is no law establishing the rights or duties of the father.

However, by mutual agreement both appear on the birth certificate as parents and therefore the father assumes them.

Nowadays it is not uncommon to see this type of parent-child relationship, where the mother lives with the children and the father has them on weekends or for a few days, the number of divorces and separated families is increasing.

The difference is that in co-parenting there has not been a previous sentimental relationship, which would be a point in favor of the friendly relationship between the parents.

The word co-parenting is not found in the RAE, although synonyms such as co-parenting, can be found on the web. In all languages, you can get a page to register and start the search and form a family without sentimental ties between parents.

Nick Wilkes on Unspalsh © Solkes

This means that co-parenting has invaded all cultures, beliefs, religions, and borders. Co-parenting is a right that should not be limited to established couples as co-parenting in our society today is being very well accepted.

How does a co-parenting website work?

It is very similar to the websites or apps to find a partner, the difference is that there you are looking for an individual who wants to have a child without a sentimental bond between the parents.

Yurbi Borges © Solkes

These sites also offer to establish contact between same-sex female couples who want to form a family and include the sperm donor in the family bond as a co-parent.

That is, the child grows up with a father figure and two maternal figures. Or couples of men who are simply looking for a womb to help them have a child, the well-known surrogate womb.

Veronica signed up and began to create her profile: “I just turned 40 and I still don’t have children, but I don’t want to give up… I am looking for a co-parent who is willing to participate in the upbringing. I am sporty, I don’t smoke and I eat very healthily. I have an indefinite work contract as a teacher and I am financially stable”.

So reads the description on her account, in addition to a profile photo and optional questionnaire that allows interested parties to see her religion, sports, and leisure hobbies, among other personal information.

For Veronica, it is important to find a prospective parent who does not live too far away from her city, which is easy to establish by setting a distance limit in the account settings.

“It is incredible how your heart beats when you take a pregnancy test and you see how the second little line shows you the positive result, you don’t believe it and you want to take the blood test immediately. I made a video call with Miguel and to see that for him it was also a great reason for happiness filled me a lot, we jumped for joy … it was euphoric. It has been one of the happiest and most beautiful moments of my life.”

Yurbi Borges © Solkes

After selecting a couple of interested parties, you decide to respond and interact with them a bit.

This part of the process is a lot like matchmaking apps, screening, and discarding at first. Then a couple of calls and then finally a date.

Two months after getting to know each other a little better, Veronica and Miguel decide to co-parent.

The day of the first attempt arrived and Miguel travels a couple of hours by train to see her when she has the highest level of fertility.

They decide to use the cup method, which consists of artificial insemination that is almost like 100% as intercourse. That is, there is no intimacy.

The first attempt is unsuccessful, but on the second trip, Veronica is left on tape and preparations begin.

How do you communicate to your loved ones that you want to become a co-parent?

Just as Veronica and Miguel were able to realize their dream of becoming parents without a sentimental commitment, so have other same-sex couples or women who definitely wanted to be single mothers.

In a society full of beliefs, religions, taboos, and rituals, “what people will say” counts a lot, and one of the first questions that come to mind when making the decision to become a co-parent is: how do I tell my parents and friends? how do I tell my co-workers and boss if I am a single person?

Solkes © Solkes

In the case of family and circle of friends, it is necessary to make known the coming change and somehow feel the support during the preparation process and after the new member arrives in the family.

Everything also depends on how the family and friends take this issue, it is normal to have a little fear or insecurity, because there may come unexpected questions for which you are not prepared.

It would not be bad to seek professional help to guide the future parents emotionally, psychological preparation is necessary since family and friends are probably not very well informed about co-parenting, sperm donation, etc.

Nessa Twix © Solkes

We all have a best friend, sibling, father, or mother whom we can approach first and from whom we can be sure to have the necessary support, it is just a matter of choosing the right time and place.

If the decision is made to be a co-parent it is necessary to be well informed, establish contact with couples who have had experiences, join groups in social networks where ideas are exchanged and advice is given for the search of the ideal partner.

It is good to ask open questions because as you go deeper into the process, doubts begin to arise.

It is necessary to clarify all concerns to always maintain a good relationship with the parents.

The truth is that even if there is not already a loving bond, it is someone you are choosing to share something very valuable for the rest of your life.

“I wasn’t interested in just having children, I want them to have a family, so I was very careful about becoming a single mother. I believe that a mother and a child are also a family..”

And this includes birthdays, Christmas, visits to both maternal and maternal grandparents; just because there is no loving bond between the parents does not mean that they cannot enjoy a family vacation, a day in the country, going out to eat together, among other activities that any healthy family can enjoy.

The conclusion

To conclude with a topic that today is becoming more and more known thanks to the media and the countless social networks that are created to facilitate the life of today’s human being dependent on an app to help with the day to day situations, we can take advantage of these resources positively to the fullest to realize dreams and have happy endings.

The family is the fundamental nucleus of our society, no matter how it is formed it is necessary to cultivate it every day in unity, giving a good example to the children, mutual respect between parents and good communication between parents is essential; be certain that even though children grow up with parents in different homes, the values, love, and support of father and mother will always be present.

Nessa Twix © Solkes

Nine months of teamwork, a couple of trips from Miguel to participate in the appointments and to greet her son during the ultrasounds. Finally, the day that Veronica dreamed of all her life arrived, a couple of hours of labor and now everything is real, a sweet cry floods the ears of the new mother: a beautiful baby girl, Luciana, has just been born.

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