Mothers are not rare to find. Good mothers are. Someone told me that a while back. And, I ask myself: what goes on to make a good mother? There are a lot of people who judge and they don’t really know what they are talking about. It is extremely hard to be a good mom. Everyone has an opinion, different way of acting upon situations, different goals, different backgrounds.
An emotion filled package
What makes good mothers? It is a question whose answer cannot be contained within a few words.
Mothers comprise of a bundle of emotions that sometimes defy reason. So this goes out to all the mothers who have kept awake all night with their sick toddlers in their arms, constantly uttering those compassionate words, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.”
There are many kinds of moms out there. There are moms who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes and mother who don’t. That doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. Not at all.
It is such a humongous task that we as a society have a day devoted to it! So, bare with me.
Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring many things: the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. Depending where in the world you are, mothers day is celebrated on different days, most commonly in the months of March or May.
As adopted by other countries and cultures, the holiday has different meanings, its associated with different events (religious, historical or legendary).
The date of the celebration not only changes depending on the country but on the year. Some examples are: Georgia celebrates it on March 3rd; Comoros, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon and Yemen are some of the countries that celebrate it on March 21st; Australia, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Germany, Singapore, and Sri Lanka celebrate in on May 12th and Paraguay celebrates it on May 15th.
The modern concept of Mother’s day began in the United States of America. It was an initiative from Ann Reeves Jarvis in the early 20th century.
In 1908, Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother at St Andrew’s Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia.
Her campaign to make Mother’s Day a recognized holiday in the United States began in 1905, the year her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, died.
Just to be clear, this modern celebration was not the first. How could it? Mothers and motherhood have been celebrated throughout the world over thousands of years.
This modern version of Mother’s Day has become extremely comercial. It has been promoted by companies who saw benefit in making it popular.
In the Roman Catholic Church, the holiday is strongly associated with revering the Virgin Mary.
In Hindu tradition, Mother’s Day is called “Mata Tirtha Aunshi” or “Mother Pilgrimage fortnight”, and is celebrated in countries with a Hindu population, especially in Nepal.
In Buddhism, the festival of Ullambana is derived from the story of Maudgalyayana and his mother.
So much for history regarding this magnificent celebration. I want to be clear: mothers day is every single day!
Becoming a mom is a process
Becoming a mom is a process. I know: you get pregnant and have some months to get “ready”, but the truth is somewhat different. Once the baby is born, things change drastically.
I am not talking about the sleep depravation, not eating good meals, not getting a shower, no clean clothes, stress, hormones flying everywhere and fear that you are messing up everything.
I mean that from the moment your little one is born, women change! The person we used to be, that fierce woman we worked so hard to make, our professional life, our dreams, all that what we want to achieve take a back seat. All we care about is our baby.
And, caring for someone else so deeply means you let yourself go. All you think about is if your baby is sleeping and eating enough. If they are cold, sad, sick. If they are happy.
As I learned, something we often forget, at last first time moms, is that this is all new for the baby but this is also all new for us as moms!!! So, both, baby and mom, are learning minute by minute what is going on. It is a trial and error era of sorts.
There are certain moments during motherhood that everything is pastel colored and smooth. But, many moments are not.
Mothering is a job with a thousand requirements every second. That’s what makes it hard to do at times, and impossible to do perfectly.
The very qualities that might have made you a candidate for World’s Best Mother when your child was a toddler—your vigilance, your organizational skills, your ability to exert control on chaos— may not be enough at another stage of your child’s life.
As I have seen, while looking and learning from other mothers is that the evolution of our parenting skills is a major problem. It may not keep up with the challenges of the job.
While the words “Let me help you with that, sweetie” may be soothing for a five-year-old and encourage her to try harder, they will sound very different to a sixteen-year-old. Being proactive on your child’s behalf is appropriate at one stage, and not at another.
In my short life, I have met some wonderful women, amazing moms and some mothers who concerned me in a number of levels. But, I can’t judge.
A thousand times yes
Before I became a mother, I didn’t understand why any woman would choose to take on the role of parent. In my defence, I thiught it was an amazing thing but I kept hearing exhausting, frustrating, and all-around difficult it is to be a mom.
They told me how they never slept, their sex life was forgotten, they barely showered, and they felt like they were drowning under the constant pressures and obligations that come with raising a child. They also told me it was beautiful and well worth the hardship.
Now that I’m a mother, I realize why moms love being a parent. Is it easy? No, never!
For me, it is absolutely awesome in so many new, exciting, and surprising ways that even the most upsetting and frustrating of days pales in comparison to the looks they give you and the things they say and the ways they love you. Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.
I read about it and I have seen in it in the movies. But it is true! Being a parent means you’re constantly afraid for your child, constantly worried you’re doing a great job, but loving every minute of it because that terror is mixed with delight and wonder. It’s this marvellous and a true representation of what makes us human. Nothing compares to that bond between a mother and her child. I will never love so hard, so intensely, so profound.