{"id":6275,"date":"2020-03-03T10:00:50","date_gmt":"2020-03-03T10:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/solkes.com\/?p=6275"},"modified":"2020-11-04T12:08:44","modified_gmt":"2020-11-04T10:08:44","slug":"breaking-the-chains","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/solkes.com\/en\/anonym\/2020\/03\/breaking-the-chains\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking the chains and breaking the mirror"},"content":{"rendered":"

I <\/span>had no memory of my life before. How is this possible? This is my question now and forever. \u00a0Then, a family tragedy triggered a devastating psychological change.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Laura Viera A \u00a9 Solkes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

This is what I have been told. Suddenly I was aware of other identities inside myself? How could this be? The barriers between them were crumbling.<\/p>\n

I feel like I am inside a spider web or at least near one of them. Everything around me, around WE is so magnificent.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

The red of the autumn leaves is intense and the raindrops on it make it even more perfect in all OUR imperfection.<\/p>\n

Never random.\u00a0Never random.\u00a0Never random.<\/p>\n

Never random.\u00a0Never random.\u00a0Never random.<\/p>\n

Never random.\u00a0Never random.\u00a0Never random.<\/p>\n

In the thick of the confusing mingling of different voices in one consciousness came memories of different moments. One of them was an accident, it happened at age three. I lost everything, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t move.<\/p>\n

This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Laura Viera A \u00a9 Solkes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I refer to my self as\u00a0\u201cWe\u201d. We, are nine in total each uncharged of a different experience and time. Each of them stems from a particular event in my first life.<\/p>\n

Here are my constant thoughts for today, from yesterday and maybe from tomorrow.<\/p>\n

I wonder. Who are you?<\/span><\/strong> Is the question bouncing around my head.<\/p>\n

I don’t really know.\u00a0Who are you? Is the question bouncing around my head.<\/p>\n

I don’t really know it changes colors and shapes every day.<\/p>\n

Who are you? Is the question bouncing around my head.<\/p>\n

I don’t really know, I only died last night.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Laura Viera A \u00a9 Solkes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

For me, the abrupt awareness of her many different identities is overwhelming. I know now that if\u00a0you\u2019re in a totally impossible situation, you dissociate to stay alive. Trauma can freeze you in time.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

My three-year-old self is easily scared by things that remind her of past traumas. On the other hand, the 16-year-old can be flirty.<\/p>\n

I behave differently depending on \u2018who\u2019 is to the fore in her mind. She is not acting like her three-year-old self, or even remembering what it was like to be three.<\/p>\n

She is that three-year-old \u2013 until another identity comes to the fore. Does this make sense? It makes perfect sense to me.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror.\u00a0This is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror.<\/p>\n

In the morning, after taking a shower I look at the mirror. What a mistake, why did I ever do that? Who would be starting back? There, a funny girl,\u00a0blond brownish hair, a few freckles, glasses or contact lenses today, three years or sixteen, afraid or powerful what will it be?<\/p>\n

My reflection stares back from the broken mirror as it is distorted. I stare and wonder where these false images come from.<\/span><\/strong> Have I lost myself in this broken mirror or am I seeing my true identity float.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Laura Viera A \u00a9 Solkes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Disillusioned with myself, finally seeing the truth that\u00a0hides within shattered images of broken mirror. It has never been random, there is always a background as dark and endless as it may seem.Oh, crooked smiles endlessly reflecting back.<\/p>\n

I left all the light behind me and then came alone to see me. It seems crazy for some right?<\/strong><\/span> At moments, exiled out of time,\u00a0raining old faces and\u00a0sad looks. I think we are looking for
\nthe road of eternity that is\u00a0between the uncertainty of tomorrow and \u00a0the reflection of yesterday.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

T<\/span>his is me breaking the chains, breaking the mirror. Mirror, mirror on the wall who is my true self, which one of all?<\/span> <\/strong>Love of my life, whatever you do… just devour, destroy me softly.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>Through all the ups, all the downs,\u00a0some can’t be found. This is life in the way that I wish to see it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had no memory of my life before. How is this possible? This is my question now and forever. \u00a0Then, a family tragedy triggered a devastating psychological change. This is what I have been told. Suddenly I was aware of other identities inside myself? How could this be? The barriers between them were crumbling. I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":6301,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6275","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anonym"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBreaking the chains and breaking the mirror - Solkes Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is me breaking the chains and breaking the mirror. 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